This writing might be blunt, but it's just me being honest. I don't think I've ever actually 'moved on' from one situation to another. Or at least I am not moving on in a way that most people think. Moving on isn't necessarily about forgetting, that's the way I see it. It's not about forgetting, let alone separation. It's never about talking to a person for the last time, or seeing them and walking away forever. It's not like that, not to me.

I've always been telling myself that it is best to forgive. No matter how difficult I'm put in a situation, I'll take a deep breath and forgive. Sometimes I wonder when will I explode and get mad and treat the people who treated me not the way I deserve to be. Come on, I know I'm not a saint and I don't think I'll ever be (who am I kidding?) but at least you know that was not how you were supposed to treat others.

I don't do revenge.

I've been let down a million times and it's not a walk in the park to accept the fact. But I learn to. I push myself to reflect where did I go wrong, because I know I'm not always right. It could be my fault somewhere along the way. Then what?

Then I make peace with the past. I try to find a way to deal with it. It took me a lot of time and energy to keep telling myself that I deserve to be happy and I'm the one that leads my way. One may say I pretended to be happy back then. But the truth is that I'm mostly pretending to be happy right now rather than before. I could go on a 365-days worth of a holiday and the past would still haunt me in every step that I take. Maybe later, when I'm older and much wiser, I will have the courage to take a look back. The wound would be healed. It's there and it will always be. But somehow looking at it, even touching it would not be as painful as it used to be.

I'm trying my best to deal with everything.

I'm trying my best to make peace with what happened.

I'm trying my best to convince that I can be happy with all that I have.

It's not going to be easy, but sure it will always be worth it.

Spreading good vibes,

Sarita Ayas